Monday Vignettes

Scene: 5th grade English classroom
Actors: 4 average level students and 1 teacher

Teacher: I went to Jeju-do this weekend.
Students: Ooooh! Teacher! Fun!
Teacher: It was, I went hiking, and ate good food.
Student A: Teacher? It is you? Uh, uh, mo? (The student grabs the teacher's arm and mimics walking down the aisle while humming the wedding march)
Teacher: Bwahahaha, NO! Not a honeymoon! Just a fun trip.


Scene: 5th grade English Classroom
Actors: 6 average level students and 1 teacher

Teacher: If I have to talk to you about talking, I will give you a yellow card. After 2 yellow cards you get 1 red car then you must leave the class.
Student A: Like soccer?
Teacher: Yes, exactly.
Student A: Can I be like England and yell at you after?
Teacher: No, sorry.
Student A: Sigh....

Food Fun

Every so often I come across something in Korea I just can't stomach. Pondeggee is one such item (stewed silk worms), and pickled eggs seem to be another. I didn't know I didn't like pickled eggs until a couple of days ago. It is entirely possible that I am just angry at them for surprising me the way they did.

Envision the scene: Tired, hungry, just returned from the grocery store. The thoughts of omlettes filled my head. The pan is heated, the bread is toasting, the cheese is sliced and ready to go. Out of the fridge come two eggs. They feel a little strange in my hands, though I can't put my finger on why. Instantly I worry they've gone off. Then I go to crack one. The shell feels strange under the pressure, softer almost. Also strange is the lack of white, or yolk, trying to get out. I peel the top of the shell off and realize that the egg has been hard boiled and smells of vinegar. Stupid preserved egg! I have 10 more of them sitting in my fridge. I hate them.

That is the story of why I hate pickeled eggs. Now I am off to the store to get some fresh ones.

Taking a walk

Being an elementary school teacher can take its toll. The kids can be noisy and disruptive little hell balls spawned in the bowels of Hormonia. I am mostly referring to the 6th graders here. Today, during my break, I fantasized about tearing out my own eyeballs and shoving them into my ears so I needn't see nor hear the 6th graders ever again. I spent my entire morning choking back the words, "JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I tried to keep a smile on my face while doing this, which I think resulted in a small hemorrhage in my brain.

I really do like my job, but like with any job, some days just suck. I think it actually started this morning when I discovered my internet had conked out. Suck. Then I got to school and was accosted by 6th graders wanting to do anything but be quiet for 30 seconds. Suck. Then, when I thought I could have 10 minutes of peace after eating lunch, before beginning work on my lesson plans, I was jumped upon by yet another 6th grader. I respect this kid, he is horrible at English and actively trying to improve the situation by practicing with me some days after lunch. But let me at least leave the cafeteria first kid. He came in, a frenzied look in his eyes, "Teacher, English now!" "Just give me a min.." "Ok, now!" "5 minutes." I had to take my after lunch pill, and get some water. The look on his face changed to near panic, and I realized he didn't quite understand. Luckily my co was on hand to explain to him that I would be more than willing to give up the precious remainder of my lunch to tutor him, just after I took my pill.

Tutoring complete, it was time to work on my lesson plans. I hate doing these, they are tedious. Tedious and easy. The fact that they are easy makes them even harder to do, because I know they take about 10 minutes and I put them off. This being the case, I only got one done. Then it was time to prepare my lesson for the upcoming teacher's class and pop two aspirin. The teacher's class went well, but I just didn't feel like talking. I wanted some alone time. I also want a pony.

Finally, class was over and it was time to leave school. As I was trying to sneak out, two different teachers noticed me and offered me a ride. In the hight of summer or the dead of winter I would take it in a heart beat. Today though, the weather didn't suck. I wanted to take a walk. I told them I needed the exercise and sauntered off, earbuds firmly planted. Once outside I was stopped again and offered another ride. "No thanks, I really need to walk."

The real reason I wanted to walk was to see my kids. The same ones who made me believe self mutilation would be the solution to all my problems. When I walk home from school I usually run into my students, either on their way to hagwon, piano lessons, home to dinner, or off to see a friend. They always get a big grin on their face and rush over to see me. It is a pretty nice ego booster. I usually get home happy, because my kids were happy to see me outside of school and don't hold my homicidal eye twitches against me. Unsuck!

Ooh, plus, when I got home, my internet was back. Assah!

Learning to swear

Me to some of the advanced kids who came to talk to my co about something, "Do you want korean candy?" The boys laugh, "Teacher, this word and sign," as he does a slightly rude hand gesture, "it is Korean swear. It means 'fuck you' It is similar to candy name" "Oh, thanks!" "Of course teacher, ummm, don't be mad, I didn't say it to you, just teach you, ok?" "Hahaha, yeah, I know." This is the same boy who taught me that the word gossip sounds similar to the korean slang for cock. He's a gold mine!