Rameyan winnings update

Today I told some of the teachers who came for their final English class about my good fortune, and they wanted to throw me a party. Because I won rameyan. A party. I love this country.

Free stuff and fanfare!

Today I achieved my long held dream of getting fanfare and clapping at a supermarket checkout stand, but I will get to that in a moment.

This almost afternoon I woke up with the sun shining in my face. "Coooofffffffuuuuuuuuucccccccckkk, I have no coffee. It is cold and I don't want to go outside for more." After an hour of procrastination and whining to myself I decided the coffee trek had to be made, as I was also out of milk, the fridge had frozen the last of my soy milk, and I needed peanut butter and jelly sandwich fixings for tomorrow's class. On went the 30 thousand layers, hat and gloves. At the door I almost fell over trying to attach the boots to my feet (because I had no coffee in me. One needs coffee for boot attachment.) Out the door I went, and noticed that my neighbor's trash was still out in front of his apartment. Who does he think is going to take that out? It is smelling up the landing. I'd leave him a note but I suspect the meaning would be lost. Outside was cold, but the sun was shining, and that helped.

First stop was Starbucks. I have become a pro at ordering Starbucks in Korea. They love me there. They know my drink order and how I like my coffee ground now. Last week they gave me extra stamps on my stamp card so I could earn a free datebook and gift card. This week I went in, bought two packs of coffee and a drink. They handed me my bag of stuff and off I went to Top Mart for the pb&j ingredients. Three loaves of bread, the biggest jar of jam, two jars of off brand peanut butter, and various beverages later I was standing at the checkout stand.

Sometimes I wonder what the Top Mart checkers think of me, as I always seem to be buying strange stuff. Once it was 3 turkey legs, another time it was about 6 giant bags of candy. I hope they don't think it is an indication of how Americans eat. Boop, boop, boop, "sign-ug." I signed for my groceries when the music started and the checkers started cheering for me. Hooray! The American successfully bought groceries!! She can accomplish basic tasks! Oh wait, no, I have won a free case of Rameyan (ramen noodles.) Hey hey! That's pretty neat. I mean, I don't really like rameyan, but in a pinch they are good to have. Plus, everyone is making a fuss over me and I like that. Groceries and prize noodles in hand I leave the store to head home.

At home I unpack the purchases and go into the bag with the coffee to make a pot. Hmm, there is a box in here. I wonder what it, oooh! Free mug! Should I write Starbucks a thank you note?

So, thanks Korea, Sundays are best when I get free stuff. Thanks for obliging!

Jingle Pig

My 5th grade advanced kids are big fans of Mad Libs. I am also a big fan, as it forces them to speak English, pronounce words, and figure out the difference between an adverb and an adjective. Here are two of my favorite works today (Sometimes I wonder where else they are learning English):

Super Salad
To make the best corpse salad, you need fresh ingredients. The best
time to buy a fresh corpse is from December to october. Go to your
local market. Pick up one corpse and study it. The corpse should be
dirty and terrible. These taste the best! Put 4 of them in your
shopping cart. You will also need a pound each of carrots and bombs.

Next, you need to get the ingredients for the salad dressing. You
might like poison apple dressing, which tastes yummy on corpse salad,
but you might also enjoy poison banana dressing. Pick out the 49494
best fruits you can find. Take your ingredients home, and get ready to
make your salad.

Wash and dry each corpse thoroughly. Use your knife to separate the
parts of the corpse. Put the pieces in a large salad bowl. Next, chop
the carrots and bombs, and put those in the bowl. To make the
dressing, mash the fruit in another bowl. Add a cup of oil and 44
teaspoons of vinegar. Pour the dressing into the large salad bowl and
mix the ingredients. Voilà! Enjoy your corpse salad.

And a little cheer for the season:

Jingle, Jingle!
Sing to the tune of “Jingle Bells.”

dying through the woods
In a one-monster open monster,
Over the fields we go,
playing rock-scissors-paper all the way.
sheep on bob-tail ring,
Making spirits bright,
What fun it is to kill and win
A sleighing song tonight!

Jingle pig, jingle pig,
Jingle all the way!
O what fun it is to eat
In a one-monster open monster.
Fire~~~~!!!!!!!!!

Jingle pig, jingle pig,
Jingle all the way!
O what fun it is to eat
In a one-monster open monster

What I ate this weekend

This is raw fish that was looking at us about 10 minutes before.

Dinner was some sort of pork.


It was insanely good.

This was a little after lunch entertainment.

It haunts my dreams...

This commercial is on all the time in Korea. I want to learn the dance, but they keep changing the moves and adding to it. Click here to enjoy my Korean television experience.

Possibly the same neighbor...

Dear neighbor with the car (possibly the same one as dear, sweet, upstairs, metal grinder),

Your car shouldn't be making that noise. It sounds like a chipmunk in a snuff film. Please get it looked at.

Love,

The wayguk on the 3rd floor.

Korean Fun with Words

I have yet to try this beverage, mostly because I am not sure what will happen to me when I do.



I have figured out that this is a playbill for an old concert. I prefer to appreciate it for the amazing mishmash of English that it is though.


When all hope is lost, there is always soju. The Korean national beverage.


Perfornance...

Why I became a teacher...

Greatest teaching moment so far!! We were playing scrabble in my after school advanced class, when one little boy looks up at me, all the innocence of the world in his eyes, "Teacher, word? Cum, C-U-M. Word? Teacher, why are you laugh? Teacher? You are cry? Teacher? Is it word?" I had to leave the room for a moment while I composed myself. This child probably went straight home and googled "cum," to find out why I had such a fit. He will never look at me innocently again.

Dear Upstairs Neighbor

Dear Upstairs Neighbor,

Are you dead? Is everything ok? I heard you grinding metal as usual, and then thump, then silence. I find myself missing the cacophony of your nightly activit... Oh, ok, we are back, grind grind grind.

Best wishes,

The wayguk downstairs

Out of the blue...

I was sitting at my desk today, looking up photos of famous Koreans when, out of the blue, I was handed the most delicious rice ball I have ever eaten. It was sticky rice and filled with all sorts of things like ginkgo berries, sweet potatoes, and love. The 4th grade teacher thinks I am too thin. I love the 4th grade teacher.

Also, in a fit of spontaneity, my co-teacher turned to me today and said, "It would be better if you learned Korean. English is too hard." While I understand that I should learn Korean, and am making an effort to do so, these little non sequiturs are wearing thin. I have been here 3.5 months, give me some time. She has been studying English for years and is an English teacher. Awesome.

Other amazing quotes: I show up with my messy hair up in a clip and trying out a new lipstick I had bought, "You look very pretty today!" I blush, "Thanks!" "Much prettier than usual." "Oh..."

"Your face is better without glasses."

And my favorite, "You are so strange!" This is usually followed by something food related. "You are eating rice without side dishes," "You like potatoes," "You have had sushi before?" "You maybe like pineapple too much." No one can like pineapple too much.

What do you mean tomorrow is December?

Jesus Christ and all his little apple cheeked angles it is cold. Did you know South Korea gets cold in the winter? I did, but still, I think I will complain about it. It isn't so much the outside cold that gets to me, but the inside cold. My principal, the greatest cock in all of Cockdonia rations our heater oil by giving us coupons. We have 8 coupons for the winter. I am told 8 coupons lasts about 30 days. Now, I am no Donald in Mathmagic Land, but that seems wrong. Also wrong is that I work in finger gloves, woolly socks, a scarf and sometimes a hat. I have a heated seat cushion now. I have the warmest ass in school. Oh well, summer will come again and I will bitch about being too hot. I am never happy.

Other than freezing to death every day, I think I am finding my Korean groove. This is starting to feel more like life than a vacation. I love the kids and most of my co-workers. Everything I do impresses them. Today I brought in some left over cranberry sauce and turkey from Thanksgiving and nearly made their brains explode with new taste sensations. For the record, Koreans love turkey and cranberries and there should be more of both in this country. There was almost a fist fight for the last taste. I wish I had brought more in, but I am hoarding it for me. I only have a tiny bit of cranberry sauce left and it was such a pain in the ass to make, I don't want to do it again in the near future.

Speaking of the sauce, here is what happened. So I found craisins at Home Plus. I love Home Plus. I am going to marry Home Plus and have Home Plus babies. We will be so happy together. Anyway, I buy half their stock of craisins. I get them home and search recipes online. I find a recipe and decide I will try it out the next day. The next day arrives, I set to work re hydrating the craisins. That is when things went horribly wrong. I was supposed to wash the oils off the craisins and then drain the water. Ok, easy pea.... CRAP!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! CRAISINS IN THE SINK! CRAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSS IN THE SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why god, why???? All the craisins were lost in my disgusting drain catcher thingy, floating on dirty plates, in half empty cups of tea, it was total craisin carnage. I just about cried. I had to get back in a taxi, return with my head hung in shame to Home Plus, and buy the other half of the Home Plus craisin supply. Take two of the craisin sauce experiment went smoothly, and a happy Thanksgiving was had by all.

This was my first Thanksgiving away from home. I'll admit I got a little homesick thinking about all the family stuff, and then a little bummed with my friends in my city wanted nothing to do with the holiday. Luckily it was the British to the rescue and my friend John hosted an excellent Thanksgiving for the expats. You name it, we had it, including pumpkin pie. The next day I skyped with my parents, brothers, cousins, aunts and uncle. I still missed the parade and Olie's Waffle House (Aaron you jackass bastard, I can't believe you bailed on that.) but new traditions were made, like eating spicy brava potatoes.

Ok, I am going to do some yoga now. I do yoga because my floor is heated (an amazing invention, don't tell Home Plus, but I want to have an affair with the heated floor).

PS. Polly, I totally update this thing, so there.

A Thanksgiving Miracle

Polly sent me my Chanukah present early. I of course opened them immediately, the teachers and I got to playing, and and here is what followed.

Halloween in Ulsan (Pictures)

Bryan and I at the post movie/ pre-party refueling.



Actual pants deemed acceptable as outside of the house attire.



Bryan and Justin are totally goth.

Liz gets a ride



I LOVE glow bracelets.

This girl had been dancing with a fan.



Breakfast at McDonald's after spending the whole night out. Justin got a happy meal. It came with Noribang toys.



Bryan is bad ass.



The next morning we found a couch.

We sat on said couch


The beach in Ulsan near Dave's place.

Dave took us for a trek up to the cliffs. Surprisingly not to kill us.


Beautiful Ulsan sunset.

Lonely man


Selling fish and what not


Bumper cars!


Sunday dinner!

The day before Halloween

I woke up early this morning, but in a strange twist of temporal physics, I managed to leave my apartment with only moments to spare. My feet have also mysteriously shrunk in Korea and my speed walking to the corner to meet my co-teacher was hampered by the fact I kept stepping out of my shoes. Finally arriving at the meeting spot (not just for me, but for the local geriatric population all of whom delight in speaking Korean to me and pointing out various loose threads and spots on shirts) I realized that my rushing was for nought as my co-teacher was once again late. Satellite Skin was on repeat, so I didn't much care, thanks Ipod!! Young-suk (oh yeah, my co-teacher has a name) arrived, I jumped in the back of her Kia and went through the morning ritual, "Good morning!" "Good morning, did you eat breakfast?" "Yes, I had cereal." "Oh! So strange!" "Thanks! And how are you?" We arrive at school, open the classroom, and get a good back workout bowing and annyong hasayo-ing everyone. "Chenypur teacher, Chenypur teacher! Hi!Giggle, giggle, giggle." "Hi kids!" Then it is time to get ready for a full day of teaching. Not a problem because I am working with Young-shim, and she is cool... except, "Chyenn, I am so sorry! My son is sick, I must take him to the hospital. I will only be gone for two periods." Breath, ok, the 6th graders are only a little bit taller than me and not that unruly... 4 periods later Young-shim has not returned and I am making the 6th graders clean the classroom before they can go to lunch. I am pretty sure I learned the word for "bitch" in Korean. The 6th graders can suck it though because now they all know how to ask for and offer help. Ha! Lunch comes and unbeknownst to me, a girl date is set up between one of the teacher's daughters and me. I think I ate snails too. After lunch I worked diligently at catching up with facebook while wondering if I was going to come up with a plan for the after school English class with the teachers. "Hehehe, Chenypur teacher, hehehehe!" Oh! The interview! After a few more giggles and popping in of heads five students boldly marched into the classroom with pencils. "Chenypur, are you ready?" "Sure." "Oh! Be waiting, we forgot book." "Ok." 5 more minutes of being stared at. "OK, we have questions. What do you do?" "Here at school?" "Yes." "I teach English." "Not teach English." "No, I do, I taught you yesterday." "No, when not teach English." Oh, well, I play on the computer and devote about 1 or 2 hours a week to lesson planning. "Ummm, I only teach English. It is my passion." "Oh, p-a-s-h?" "Not quite." I should mention that I had several cell phones shove in my face, recording the interview, 2.5 kids asking me questions (one kid lost half a point for never speaking English) one kid who got up and never came back, and one who just played on her phone the whole time. "Chenypur, what was your major?" "English." "Wah! Really? You are an expert!" "Yes, yes I am." "Wah!" "Chenypur, do you like Korea? Which do you like more? Why?" "I like them both for different reasons, I can't compare." "Did you house have 2 floors?" "Yes..." "Did it have stairs?" "No, we used a trampol.. yes, it had stairs." "OH!!!! So fancy! Pictures please!!!" And the rest of the interview dissolved into me showing them photos of my parent's house, my family, and America. It was fairly entertaining. Before I knew it the teacher had arrived and we had a lovely, if interrupted (there was a meeting about swine flu and how the 5th graders were the worst hit), class where I taught them about Halloween, my favorite Disney villain, and said the word loofah for them, which they think is hilarious.
Tomorrow: Ulsan!!

Geyanju and Pohang

Geyanju

Jukdo Market (Pohang, the city in which I live)

Seoul