Idong E-Mart Adventure

This was originally an e-mail to my friend Marie, but she laughed so hard I decided to post it here.

I went to E-mart to get some new bedding because it occurred to me that one set of sheets and no dryer might not be a great idea. I find my way to the bedding aisle and start looking for the cutest (read least expensive and ugly) sheets I can find. I find a cute set, but the fitted sheet is only a super single (American full) and my bed is a regular single. So I wave down a clerk and ask, hands in the air miming a search, "Single?" The clerk looks at me as if I am a martian and goes to get a different clerk. I repeat the action a few more times until I get the king of the E-mart clerks (crowned, I suspect, for his mastery of a few English words), who motions for me to follow him and says, "Discount." Pleased that I am being taken to the secret cheap stash I follow him. He leads me to the escalator, grabs my cart and sticks it on. "Where is my cart going? Why are we going upstairs? Why can't I speak more Korean?" I wonder. We get upstairs and he leads me to the check out. "Check out!" He proclaims proudly. "Aniyo. Not done," state I. "Check out!" "But I am not done yet." "Check out!" "Need more stuff." "Wait." The clerk leaves and comes back with the store manager who looks at me with a kind face and a smile and says, "Check out!" "Aniyo. Not done. Need more stuff." "You need more shopping?" Oh thank god I think, "Yes. Downstairs." "You leave cart here." And after a month in Korea I finally did it. I asked a Korean, "Why?!?!" Silence in the E-mart. Koreans just don't ask why. "We give you new cart." "I need this cart. Need to match things. I will take cart." "Oooohhh... this clerk with assist with the rest of your shopping." "I am ok. I will go alone." "He will help you." Sigh, "Good bye!" I run back to the escalator with my hard won cart of bedding, get back on and think I am free... until I turn around and see the clerk following me. "I assist you." "I am ok, good bye!" I then escape into the car product aisle until I think I am free. I finish the rest of my shopping and an hour later I am at check out. I am rung up, hand over my card, and start loading my stuff into my cart, wondering how I am going to get everything outside and into a cab. Then I notice my card isn't being handed back to me and the clerk is waiving down the store manager. Oh, did I mention that among my purchases were two pillows? This is important later. I am starting to worry that something is wrong with my card, but I am being allowed to load my cart so I don't think about it too much. Finally my card is handed back to me and the store manager asks me to follow him. "Sigh," think I. I follow the store manager to customer service where I am asked to wait another moment, so I spend that time staring at my cart trying to come up with the best way to carry everything. Two minutes later the manager returns with two giant pillows, "We are very sorry we did not have the single sheet you wanted so much. Please accept our apologies and these excellent pillows." Out loud I proclaim, "Oh! Kam-sa-mida! Kam-sa-mida! So kind!" In my head I think, "Well how the fuck am I supposed to carry these fucking things??? WHY?!?!?!?!?!" So I take the pillows, manage to get my stuff out of the store and into a cab through sheer force of will, and eventually made it home. The moral is, if you come to visit I now have extra pillows for you to sleep on. And that is what happened when I went to the Idong E-mart.